Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
