You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
