I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
