Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
