Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
