Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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