i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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