I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
