her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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