Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
