I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize