did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
