i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
