You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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