i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
