clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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