As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
