He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
smell my finger.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
