You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
