If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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