What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
