Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
