I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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