I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
porn star boner night. come get it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Your cock deserves a montage
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
