Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I love having hate sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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