Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
