I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
