Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
