She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
