R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
