I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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