why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
