moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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