why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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