the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
