Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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