party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
