that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
