i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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