On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Barsexuality is the new black.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize