I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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