Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
