My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
