I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
