Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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