Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
