i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
