We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
