We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
