i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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