I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
