I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
