Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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