i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
