Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
