:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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