Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize