Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
