Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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