I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
