a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
