walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
