No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
