You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
