and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
there is glitter all over my balls
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
