ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
