Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize