Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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