I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
