so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
