I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
